In the past, my love life was anything but satisfying.
I would enter into a new relationship filled with hope, but pretty soon I would find myself feeling lonely and misunderstood - and all the while I was having a painful feeling inside that something was wrong.
It didn’t matter what kind of relationship I was in - I’ve had both long 10+ yrs relationships and shorter “situationships” - the loneliness, pain, anxiety and dissatisfaction were always present.
I just couldn’t figure out why I never felt really loved.
I’ve made almost ALL mistakes there is to make with men and love, and maybe all these mistakes were necessary for me to finally wake up and see what was going on with me?
The common factor in all my relationships were the unavailability. Emotional, physical or mental. The men I met could never connect with me on a deeper level.
I always felt so lonely, like I was always wrong in some weird kind of way… never truly seen, never truly loved for who I was.
I just wanted to find “that one man”- the one that would love me passionately and where I could also love him that same way - but it seemed impossible.
It was like if I was doomed to mediocre relationships with men I couldn’t feel anything for. And the men I really felt for - they never wanted me.
It took a long time for me to understand that the way I was taught to pursue everything in my life, from my career to my relationships, was actually pushing love away from me.
I was so disconnected from my body and my emotions, that I sometimes felt like a robot. Always on, always doing, producing - striving so hard, working so hard to find love.
At the same time, my self esteem was very low. I had a great confidence in everything I DID.
But I had almost NO confidence in who I WAS - I didn’t dare to believe that I could be loved for just BEING.
2016 I found the concept of Feminine Energy. I read all the psychology behind it, learned how to relax, how to get still and embody my feminine self.
It truly changed how I was able to show up in my relationships and they slowly started to improve, leading to meeting my wonderful husband in 2018!
But my story didn't end there.
Because even though I had found a wonderful man and built the relationship I had longed for, something kept returning:
Relationship Anxiety. The feeling of not being loved and worrying about it.
I never doubted our marriage, but I would go through periods of intense relationship anxiety and sometimes a deep grief I couldn't even explain.
And whenever I was thrown out of my little bubble of peace, my old behaviours came rushing back.
I tried to force. Control. Fix. Explain. Manage.
And slowly, those behaviours began stealing the peace from the very relationship I loved so much!
Until one day I finally saw what was happening.
I was asking my husband to solve an anxiety that wasn't his to solve.
So much of what I was feeling wasn't even about what was happening between us.
It was baggage from YEARS ago.
And that realization became the foundation for everything I teach today:
Peace begins when we stop making other people responsible for what only God can give us.
The truth is - every time you make someone else responsible for your inner peace - your feelings, your needs, your happiness - you’re creating a trap for yourself.
Suddenly our wellbeing depends on what they think of us:
Whether they text. Whether they understand. Whether they reassure us.
Whether they have the capacity to give us what we need in that particular moment.
You become dependent on what they think about you, on how they show up, their capacity to be there etc.
This is a very heavy burden to carry for the other person. I often joke and say “a man wants to take care of you, but he doesn’t want to be your caretaker”.
I think that summarizes it well - If you want love to last, it has to flow freely and be a choice. You cant force them to love you.
No human being can provide the perfect, unwavering love our hearts ultimately long for.
Only God can do that.
The only perfect love is God's love.
And this is the piece I had been missing.
When our security begins there — when we begin to understand that we are already loved — something changes.
We don't have to grasp so tightly.
We don't have to chase.
We don't have to control every outcome.
We can soften without becoming weak.
We can receive without becoming passive.
We can have boundaries without closing our hearts.
We can love deeply without losing ourselves.
This, to me, is what it means to become Confidently Feminine.
A Confidently Feminine woman is both soft and powerful.
She is connected to her heart, her body and her emotions, but she isn't ruled by them.
She can desire a man's love without making his love the source of her worth.
She can receive and inspire love without chasing, manipulating or controlling it.
And most importantly, her deepest security doesn't come from whether a man chooses her.
It comes from knowing she is already chosen and loved by God.
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A confidently feminine woman will feel confident and powerful - and soft and feminine at the same time!
With my gentle and imaginative coaching you will be able to take a leap out of your current “stuckness” and start receiving the love you dream of.
My journey into feminine relationship work began when I discovered Rori Raye's teachings and later trained as a Rori Raye relationship coach. Her work gave me a new understanding of what happens when a woman stops pursuing, controlling and over-functioning and begins connecting with her feelings and allowing herself to receive.
But over the years, my understanding of relationships & love has grown much deeper.
Through my university studies in psychology, my widened coaching education, plus years of studying attachment and relationship dynamics and working with women — and ultimately through my Christian faith — I've developed my definition of what it means to become Confidently Feminine.