Healing Heartbreak
If your relationship is not going well or if it has ended, it is perfectly normal to feel intense feelings of sadness, grief, anger and doubt.
For most women, our relationship with a man is what is most important in our lives. We are simply wired to want to have someone by our side - someone to share our thoughts and feelings with.
We crave intimacy, closeness, affection, physical touch to a greater extent than men do.
Of course many women choose to live alone and create beautiful lives in that too - it’s absolutely possible - however, most of us want someone to share our lives with!
And when we’ve invested ourselves in a relationship with a man and we see it going nowhere or ending - of course it hurts…
If you are going through heartbreak right now - there is a number of things I want you to know:
When a relationship ends, it is a grief. Something that was, has sort of “died”. And it is natural to want to go into a cocoon of sadness, of depression and even despair.
Yet please remember - it won't last forever.
I often see in my clients (and myself too!) that when they feel sad or distressed, they just want the “bad” feeling to go away as quickly as possible.
We try to put on a smile, we try to suppress the unwanted feelings. But that is not the way through!
In order for us to process the grief we got to allow ourselves to FEEL it. We got to allow ourselves to experience the “dark” side of our feminine energy, the feelings we rather not feel, and LOVE them.
This is why I created a Guided Feminine Energy Practice for Healing Heartbreak. This guided meditation will help you process your emotions, allowing and finally start to move through! CLICK HERE to listen.
Grieving a lost relationship is a process. Its pretty much the same grieving process as if a dear one passed away.
The grieving process has five stages, that we somehow need to move through in order for things to get better.
Denial: In this stage we don’t want to face the reality. We are immersed in anxiety and fear and our only goal is to try to restore what was. It is a very real response to a perceived threat - namely, the man we depend upon, and wish for and hope for is no longer giving us what we need - which can feel totally devastating.
We keep thinking that “this can’t be true” “it’s not happening”. This is where we start chasing the man - pleading and begging for things to be different.
Anger: when we can’t deny the reality any more, when we finally get that it is lost - we move into anger. We get angry with the man, with ourselves or with how things became. We can become so furious that we say and do things we later will regret - a lot. The key here is of course - to FEEL the anger, without acting out of it.
To let your Feminine Energy practise move you through the anger into a place where you can start to let it go. To use your anger as Fuel for Love - mainly love for yourself.
Bargaining: When we start to let the anger go, we often feel new hope inside. This hope is based on the bargain - “If I change this, he will come back”. And yes - this might actually be true. If we really, really are willing to change - not HIM, but ourselves - there might be a chance.
So let yourself bargain within you. See how every bargain you think of FEELS to you. Does it feel good? And then ask yourself, is this reasonable? Is this even likely?
Sadness: When we have tried everything - and it doesn’t work - we become overwhelmed with sadness. In this stage we need to cry. We need to let ourselves FEEL the whole weight of what happened.
If we don’t we may become clinically depressed, which basically means we are numb. The trauma that is created stays in our body. That’s why it’s so important to move into the sadness, allowing it and pouring love on it.
We need to let ourselves feel it and process it.
Acceptance: When we have let ourselves feel everything through - the pain, the hurt, the anger, the sadness and the frustration - if we allow ourselves, we can finally let it go. We can finally see that in the loss there is a win. No matter what happened we came through and we learned something.
NO time with any man is ever lost! In this stage we can finally take the good things with us from that ended relationship and leave the bad things behind. We can use what we learned, to see him as a messenger. We can use our experience to set new boundaries, to know what are green flags and red flags in the next man.
Knowing this about the grief helps.
You can use this to see where you are in the process of healing.
Are you still in denial? Then you are likely pushing all your feelings away. You are in masculine survival mode and you have to let yourself slowly start to feel the anger and despar.
Are you feeling angry? Are you feeling depressed?
Whatever you feel - and it may not be only ONE thing - the key is ALLOWING and RECOGNISING.
You don’t have to figure it out, or know exactly WHY you feel a certain way. You don’t have to label your emotions in any way - just allow them and investigate them as a bodily experience.
Where do you feel it the most? What are the sensations? And then asking yourself what do I need the most from MYSELF right now. Not from him - just from myself.
Often when we lose ourselves in a relationship we forget how to build our own life and make it juicy. So if you find that this might have been happening, ask yourself how can I reclaim my life? How can I make myself and my life great again so that I can INVITE the right man into my life?
This has a lot to do with allowing the grief process so that you THEN can step into your real healing, where you begin to build yourself up.
A lot of the time it’s not only the grief that is damaging to us, it is the fact that our self esteem and self worth may have taken a really big turn.
Depending on how that heart ache was created, it can leave us feel unlovable, uncapable, unacceptable, wrong, useless, powerless, helpless….
And all these things are NOT TRUE. Because we ARE love, so we cannot be unlovable. We ARE here, so we must be capable.
Nothing is wrong, and we always have the power to change our reality.
We can build our confidence again.
You can become Confidently Feminine and attract your man. A better man. The man who is right for YOU.
I will soon be holding a webinar around how to be Confidently Feminine. If you are interested, please send me a message eva@evaelly.com and I will give you the details <3
x
Eva